what if santa was also an EMT?

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You can’t say the thought hasn’t crossed your mind. “What if that allusive man in red had a day job?” And not just any job, but worked as an EMT.

Here’s how we’d imagine Santa’s epic flight around the world would happen. You know…after pulling a twelve hour shift the night before.

  • Bad boys and girls would receive cotton swabs

  • All of his reindeer would have IVs to keep them hydrated

  • Your stocking stuffer would be a copy of your vitals he took while you were sleeping

  • He’d have a partner

  • His suit would include tactical boots

  • Christmas carols would be pretty gruesome

  • He’d be used to the crazy hours

  • He’d know all the good late night food spots… but would probably be interrupted halfway through eating

  • He’d have a magical refilling coffee thermos

  • His sled would have lights and sirens

  • The elves would dispatch which house is next

  • He could backboard himself from any chimney-related injuries

  • He would track how long it takes to go from home to home


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